How to Get Over Resentments Resentments can poison a relationship slowly over time. For that reason it is very important to remove past resentments and to stop the process that is creating new ones. Maybe it will come as no surprise that dealing with resentments is a common problem that I help with in couples…
Relationship Therapy Works: When and Why It is common for people who haven’t been in couples therapy to wonder if it works or not. Given that the reason I love my job is the rewarding feeling I get when I help a couple improve their relationship, and that this happens regularly, I wanted to offer…
How to Thank Your Partner Increasing expressions of appreciation in a relationship can help them repair old hurts and to create new connections. But especially in long-term relationships, a simple thank-you can sometimes fall flat. This post describes a simple way of expressing appreciation and three ways to deepen the practice. Appreciation for Behavior “Thank…
Treating Erectile Disorder Starting With Questions About Good Sex Many men experience erectile disorder (ED). In my practice, I often see men who want to become better lovers. These men often come to treatment because something has gotten in the way of the erectile strength they previously enjoyed. Whether it is because of erectile disorder,…
Breakup Toolkit No one sat you down and taught you how to get over a breakup. At the end of a relationship, the routine of your life and the social circle that you built around the relationship are suddenly disrupted. Your thoughts can rapidly cycle back and forth between blaming your partner for all of…
Do I Want to be in This Relationship? Part II In my last blog entry, I talked about how to use your vision for your future, as shaped by the reality of a prospective partner, to decide whether you want to continue a relationship. In this entry, I will take a more present-moment-oriented approach to…
Do I want to be in this relationship? Part I When to get into or whether to stay in a relationship or leave can be one of the biggest decisions in life. I have two discernment conversations that I often have with clients when this conversation arises in therapy. The first, and the topic of…
Sexual Health Principles My first posts for this blog were a series of articles about sexual values and how they might operate in therapy for sexual issues (see the first in the series here). At that time, I was early in the development of steering my practice toward a focus on sexual issues. I knew…
From “one true love” to “happily ever after,” we are inundated with images and storylines about love that don’t quite fit our experiences. Those stories can sometimes create expectations which cause us to be confused or dissatisfied with the reality of our relationship,s even when the reality is positive. Self-help books, family advice, and people…
I’m going to compare relationships (especially long ones) to owning and driving a car. Two years after I bought my car, it started exhibiting some eccentricities. Sometimes, when stopped, the RPMs will spike above 2000. To stop this, with one foot on the brake, I put the car into gear and gently let out the…