Because I specialize in both sex therapy and couples therapy, I’ve found that improvements in one area often help the other. I enjoy helping individuals and couples improve their emotional and sexual relationships because when those aspects are strong, everything else seems to fall into place. You can read more about my credentials and get answers to common questions below.
Credentials:
- Member, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.
- Member, Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
- Author: The Better Man: A Guide to Consent, Stronger Relationships, and Hotter Sex. A multi-award-winning book.
People and Issues I Work With
- Individuals and couples navigating desire differences (e.g., high-low desire or wanting different things in the bedroom).
- Individuals and couples with no or very low sex frequency who want to work together to increase the frequency.
- Individuals and couples navigating ADHD, OCD, or neurotype differences.
- Problem sexual behavior (aka, compulsive sexual behavior or sex addiction).
[Please note: I don’t work with people who enjoy violating consent or who have, or are likely to have, legal trouble due to sexual behavior]
- LGBTQ+ clients, including gay, bi/pan, queer, and gender-diverse people.
- People with kinky, playful, rare, unusual, “weird”, or creative sexual behaviors.
- Polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous people. I have experience working with three members of a polycule and am open to moresomes.
- Men working through sexual shame, consent, and identity issues.
I have expertise related to all of the topics listed above. I also have lived experience of most of these issues. That means as a therapist, I combine experience-based empathy with practical clinical solutions.
Ready to get expert sex therapy help? Contact me now.
5 Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about Sex Therapy:
Do I need to be in a relationship?
No. Sometimes, the end of a relationship or the desire to be in one is the focus of sex therapy. We can use your past experience of sex or your aspirations for your sex life to help you set goals for the treatment. There are often solo practices that I can recommend you try (always at home, never in the office) that will help clients reach their goals. And, there may be some limits to what we can accomplish in one-on-one therapy if your goals are specifically about partnered sex and you’re not currently in a relationship.
Do I have to bring my partner?
No. You don’t have to bring your partner to sex therapy. There are some issues where I’ll recommend it during our phone consultation. For example, a client with difficulty getting or maintaining an erection whose partner shames him for it would be best served if I could teach his partner to be kinder. In another example, a low-desire partner being pressured by their high-desire partner would be best served if I could get your high-desire partner to stop pressuring you.
But, I also know that practically, it isn’t always possible to bring your partner to sex therapy. You want to come to therapy because you are motivated and you believe it can help you develop. Just because your partner doesn’t feel the same way doesn’t prohibit your growth. We can work together to set goals you can control.
Finally, even when a partner isn’t willing to come in for sex therapy, sometimes they are willing to come in for one session here or there. We call these collateral sessions. In a collateral session, I can learn your partner’s perspective, ask a few data-gathering questions, and offer practical recommendations to help you accomplish your goals. Collateral sessions can be quite effective to maximize the benefits of individual sex therapy if your partner is open to it.
What actually happens in a sex therapy session?
The idea of talking with a therapist, a complete stranger, about a sexual issue can be scary at first. So, it helps to know that what we do is just talk. I try to help my clients become a little more comfortable talking about their sexual problems, but I also always operate in a consent-oriented framework. That is, if you’re feeling uncomfortable about answering the questions I’m asking, you can always say, “That feels too private.” Rarely does that limit my ability to help a client. When it does, I’ll let you know how it is limiting my ability to help you, and leave it up to you to decide if you agree and what you’d like to do about that.
Finally, it may help to know that sex therapy never includes sex or nudity with the therapist or sexual activity between the couple in the therapy sessions. For more information, you may review this pamphlet, Therapy Never Includes Sexual Behavior, published by the California Board of Psychology.
Will my insurance cover sex therapy sessions?
Insurance reimbursement is contingent upon your having a covered diagnosis, my services having the appropriate Clinical Procedure Code (CPT), and my being a legitimate provider. Let’s go over each of those.
Often, sex therapy clients have a diagnosis related to their sexual issues. For example, F52.21 Erectile Disorder or F52.31 Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder. When that’s the case, I make the correct diagnosis and add it to your superbill. A superbill is a document that you can give to your insurance to request reimbursement for out-of-network services.
Other times, sex therapy clients have diagnoses that aren’t related to their sexual issues. For example, F33.0 Major Depressive Disorder, mild, recurrent, or F41.1 Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When that’s the case, I make the correct diagnosis and add it to your superbill. If we’re also treating that diagnosis, insurance almost always covers sessions, even if the treatment includes treatment for sexual issues. Think of it this way: if your sexual issue is making you depressed, treating the sexual issue treats the mental health issue too.
Finally, sometimes, there’s no mental health diagnosis (sexual or otherwise), just a sexual focus to treatment. This may be coded with Z70.9 Sex Counseling, Z63.0 Relationship Distress with Spouse or Intimate Partner (the code for couples therapy), or both. Many people’s insurance will still cover this, though it may be for fewer sessions per year.
How do I know if I need a sex therapist versus a regular couples therapist?
Sex therapy often begins with couples therapy. This makes sense because if you’re fighting, that isn’t very sexy. But most couples therapists aren’t comfortable talking about sexual issues and don’t have specialized training to understand how relationship issues can create sexual problems and vice versa. If sex is one of the core issues, you want someone with the expertise to handle it.
It is also true that sometimes just addressing the relationship problems ends up naturally resolving the sex therapy needs, too. That’s why when I’m transitioning from one topic to another in the therapy process, we do a little check-in to see if you still need sex therapy or if you now feel confident in resolving those issues on your own.
