Women’s Sexual Issues

Working on women’s sexual issues requires a contextual framework. We have to look at all of the external factors. For example, cultural messages, caregiving demands, and partner relational challenges can all get in the way. So, we have to talk about those issues before we talk about a woman’s internal barriers to intimacy. To that end, if you’re considering working with me, you probably want to know the context I’m coming from too.

Qualifications for Working with Women’s Sexual Issues

I’m a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR), and I attend at least one of their conferences every year. In Fall 2024 in Toronto, I was one of two case presenters at the SSTAR Fall Clinical Case Conference. I’ve also trained to work with couples with low or no sexual connection. I’ve been in private practice for over 15 years, and I wrote the multi-award-winning book The Better Man, which was largely (though not entirely) written to help men improve their relationships with women.

You can read more about me personally, including my relationships and identities, here.

The subsequent sections briefly present how I view working with some of the more common women’s sexual issues that I see in my practice.

Reclaiming Your Sexuality After Trauma

After experiencing a trauma, your body can feel like it is betraying you. You know what you want. Maybe you even know that you are safe. But your body doesn’t always cooperate. I can help you appreciate how your body is trying to protect you, and send those messages of desire and safety in a way your body can hear. When your body’s alarm systems shut off, you may be surprised at how much of your sexuality is there, ready for pleasure and new explorations.

Releasing Your Inner Diva

As you may know, the rise of e-readers has led to a massive rise in romance literature. When women discover or rediscover their erotic landscape, they often want to express that landscape in their relationships. But when your fires got started in the Omegaverse, or you just love drooling over a good “cinnamon roll,” it can be hard to translate that to your partner or husband. Because I work with kink and nonmonogamy, many women feel comfortable telling me about their inner desires. Whether those desires were sparked by romance books or not, I can hear them without judgment and help your partner understand. These increasingly common women’s sexual issues can be a little awkward for the clients at first, but once we get to talking openly and honestly, there’s often a lot of joy for you to be found.

Releasing Your Inner Diva. . . After Children

Raising children is one of the most meaningful (if challenging) things you can do with your life. But at the end of a long day, who has the time or energy left for thinking about anything other than trying to get enough sleep to do it all over again tomorrow? I understand the psychology of desire well enough to know that just telling you to set aside time isn’t going to do it. I also understand that attending to the systemic and energy barriers to intimacy is often more important than asking you about fantasies that get your motor going. And if we’re working in couples therapy, I can help your partner understand that getting the kids ready in the morning (and more) may be better foreplay than watching Bridgerton together.

Low Desire

I have extensive training in helping couples with high-low desire combinations. I almost always start by getting the high-desire partner to stop creating pressure. Sometimes, that’s all it takes for the “low desire” partner (often, but not always, a woman) to find their capacity for interest. But sometimes, you need to reclaim your desire on your own terms first. I have maps and suggestions that can help you with that discovery process because in terms of women’s sexual issues, this is the second most common one I serve.

Helping Your Partner Understand Your Women’s Sexual Issues

Many women love working with me because I can get through to their partner. Partners need to understand how, despite good intentions and desire, pressure will not help a woman find her mojo. I have the capacity to listen to you, learn what really works for you, and then I can usually deliver that message to your partner so they really understand how to be loving rather than just wanting.

Ready to get expert help with your women’s sexual issues? Contact me today.