Identity-Affirming Sex Therapy

If you’re struggling to figure something out about your sexual orientation or gender identity, you’re not alone. I’ve worked with people across the lifespan to help them understand attractions that don’t fit their expectations. If you’re a person who is transitioning in any way, it can be confusing to have everything you thought you knew about your attraction and desire change with HRT, affirming care, or just being with an old partner in a new body. I’m familiar with these issues, and I know how to help people (and couples) navigate them skillfully through identity-affirming sex therapy. Here are some possibilities in each category:

Orientation Identity Affirming Sex Therapy Issues:

• Questioning or coming out late in life? Especially if you feel like it might be “too late” to come out, I’ve got experience helping clients (usually men) come out while in heterosexual marriages late in life (probably older than you).
• Many clients coming out later in life appreciate that I’m bisexual because it means I understand the dual awareness of walking around being perceived as heterosexual, while knowing about my queer identity that may be less visible.
• I also have experience working with mixed orientation couples (e.g., a heterosexual woman and gay man), including when those couples want to stay together and want a therapist to help them figure out 1) how to make that work for them and 2) whether and how to talk to other people about it.
• Sometimes my clients are just going through a spontaneous orientation change. Though this is well documented for women by Lisa Diamond’s Sexual Fluidity, my colleagues and I have shared anecdotal but clinical observations of similar changes in men, too. In otherwords, you’re not alone, and I know how to help you through it.

Gender Affirming Sex Therapy

• When people go through gender affirming processes like HRT, surgeries, or just changing presentation, it can change the erotic landscape under their feet at the same time. Old erotic pathways may seem impossible to find. New desires may seem scary, both for how powerful they feel and what you fear they might mean about you.
• Whether you’re still with a pretransition partner or connecting with new partners or new gender(s), making sense of how to ask for what you want, navigating how power dynamics feel different, or just figuring out how to touch and be touched in a new body and a new gender presentation can all feel challenging and disorienting. You need a therapist with the orienteering skills to help you feel more like a brave explorer and less scared and lost. This can be disorienting, but that doesn’t mean it is a problem. Responding to these developments can be a way for you to become and feel like the you you’ve always wanted.
• Book recommendations: While I review my colleague’s Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments, you might read Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults.

I can talk with you about all of these issues, knowing that your unique experience matters more than all my past experience. But I also know that sometimes, people going through identity development just need couples therapy or sex therapy that doesn’t need to center on the identity that much. And if all you need is for me not to clutch my pearls at the concept of trans love and sex, I’ve got you. I have a broad range of clinical capacities, but I specialize in relationship and sexual issues.

If you’re ready to get some help mapping your identity or erotic landscape through identity-affirming sex therapy, contact me today.