Why Does Stress Affect Sexual Desire? The Flooded Mountain Range I work with many couples puzzled by changes in their sex lives. Sometimes they are not dramatic shifts like affairs or mismatched libidos. Sometimes, couples just experience confusing, slow declines in erotic connection. Couples now stick to routines, partners question why former turn-ons stopped working,…
Why He Watches Porn Instead of Having Sex It is a common complaint, and not just in heterosexual couples. I hear one partner complain that he watches porn when the partner wants to have sex. It can be hard to understand, so I decided to write a post to help people make sense of this…
This blog entry returns to my How Sexuality Works series which uses the metaphor of a river to help explain sexuality and eroticism. For prior posts in the series click the links below or skip below to read about sexual compatibility. Sexuality Is a River What is Erotic and Why? Part I What is Erotic…
How Sexuality Works: Part III This is the third post of my Sexuality is a River series and my second post applying the analogy of a river to Morin’s theories of eroticism. You can find the first post in the series here: Sexuality Is a River. That post describes the perspective I write from and…
How Sexuality Works, Part II This is the second blog post in my series describing what I understand about the subjective experience of sexuality using the analogy of a river. You can find my first post in the series here: Sexuality Is a River. That post describes the perspective I write from and some caveats…
How Sexuality Works, Part 1: Sexuality is a River Once I’ve taught clients about their sexuality, they often say, “They should teach this in schools.” This is a phrase that I hear repeatedly as a therapist. Most often this phrase comes after I have explained a principle of relationships or sexuality. It is one of…
Bored in Bed? Place an Order With This Sex Menu This is a little tool that I created to help couples that are bored in bed. Follow these instructions so you can create your sex menu while you read along. Take regular sheet of paper, hold it with the long edge toward the bottom (landscape…
Treating Erectile Disorder Starting With Questions About Good Sex Many men experience erectile disorder (ED). In my practice, I often see men who want to become better lovers. These men often come to treatment because something has gotten in the way of the erectile strength they previously enjoyed. Whether it is because of erectile disorder,…
Sexual Health Principles My first posts for this blog were a series of articles about sexual values and how they might operate in therapy for sexual issues (see the first in the series here). At that time, I was early in the development of steering my practice toward a focus on sexual issues. I knew…
I’m going to compare relationships (especially long ones) to owning and driving a car. Two years after I bought my car, it started exhibiting some eccentricities. Sometimes, when stopped, the RPMs will spike above 2000. To stop this, with one foot on the brake, I put the car into gear and gently let out the…