This is a little tool that I created to help couples stuck in a sexual rut. Follow these instructions so you can create your sex menu while you read along.
Take regular sheet of paper, hold it with the long edge toward the bottom (landscape style). Fold it to make three columns of approximately equal width.
At the top of the first column write the header “Appetizer”. At the top of the second column write the header, “Entrée”. At the top of the third header write the header “Dessert”.
Appetizers are anything that helps set a mood for sex. This could be as elaborate as a day at the beach together or as simple as a little make-out session in the living room. It could be as explicitly sexual as trading erotic massages to as non-sexual yet mood setting as cleaning and vacuuming the living room floor with your partner. This foreplay might include several context setting acts followed by increasingly erotic and sensual acts. If the people making the menu so desire it you could break this down into different sections and in keeping with the menu idea, you could label sections for soups, salads, or amuse bouches. The important thing is that appetizers help both increase the likelihood of readiness to move to the main course. [Keep in mind folks: No one owes you sex just because you put effort into creating a mood for it]
The entrée is the main sexual event. This could be as kinky and creative as role play or as vanilla as the missionary position. It could be as directive as naming the sexual position(s) you’ll try to as open-ended as, “I give you an orgasm while you just enjoy”. The focus of the entrée is the generation of sexual pleasure but need not include orgasms. Unlike a calorie laden dinner, there’s no reason to limit yourself to only one entrée if you have the stamina for it.
The dessert is the aftercare or after-play. This helps both enjoy the post-sexual afterglow. This could include things like taking a shower together, eating actual food, or cuddling. Just make sure that the dessert course helps you enjoy your partner even more and cements this positive interaction into your memory.
Placing an Order
One way of using this tool is to have the couple complete the menu and on any given day to decide which items from the three main sections of the menu they would like to partake. In my experience, though, if they could do that, they wouldn’t have needed the menu in the first place.
I give this tool to couples when there is one person wanting the other to initiate, include more variety in their sexual repertoire, or use more foreplay. This helps broaden the couples’ repertoire and in my experience helps couples increase sexual satisfaction.
I suggest that the person with the high motivation for variety or broadening the repertoire create the menu. This person usually has more than enough ideas. My common minimum suggestion is 5 entries in each section. Once the menu is completed, I suggest the author transfer it to the partner who has been asked to be a little more creative and spontaneous. To them I say, “You now have an easy way to improve your sexual advances. Just take one item from each of the three categories and initiate that process with your partner. Make a note of which combination you used and don’t use any of those entries again until you have sampled each menu item in that section at least once.
If a couple follows these directions they’ll have 125 sexual encounters before they repeat the same foreplay, sex, and after-glow savoring combination. Now that’s variety!